It is a typical blustery day in South Africa’s Mother City, and my trip to Newlands from the West Coast suburbs means my windscreen is filled with the famous Table Mountain, bedecked with its tablecloth.

It gets me thinking a little more about the journey I am taking. The table is well and truly set at Newlands. Kingsmead and St George’s Park have delivered the hors d’oeuvre and the soup, and now it is time for the mains. It’s the day before the Newlands Test match between the teams that are ranked first and second in the ICC Test Team Rankings.

You will have enjoyed the hors d’oeuvre if you were Australian, and the soup was more like delicious lobster bisque if you are South African. The final Test match in the series at the iconic Newlands is an equally mouth-watering prospect.

Focusing on the road instead of daydreaming, the route takes me down the R27 West Coast Road, south on the M5 and off at Klipfontein Road, easing my way onto Campground Road before I turn right into the reserved parking at Groote Schuur High School.

As I approach the ground, the very tiny lady who hides in my phone tells me that if I want to go to Newlands, I must turn right onto Keurboom Road. The way she says it is very anglicised and makes it sound like Ka-boom! It always makes me smile and think of sixes raining into the crowd.

The friendly assistant at the school waves as I turn in. I wind down the window, and we exchange a fist bump. As I make my way to the Media Centre, I tarry awhile at the nets, which alerts a guard who has been tasked with repelling the masses. I explain that I am a member of the media and show him my accreditation, but he remains unmoved.

Wiaan Mulder, Marques Ackerman and Matthew Breetzke are batting, with Keshav Maharaj bowling in one net and batting consultant Baakier Abrahams throwing in another.

Remembering to pinch myself that I am once again here at this magnificent cricketing venue, I get to the lift and join Firdose Moonda and Telford Vice as we head up to the fourth floor.

There are greetings all around as the media arrive for the noon press conference with Temba Bavuma. I find a spot, sit down and take in the vista that is the newly branded Newlands Cape Town. It is a picture, the stands with a fresh lick of paint, new seats and bright new branding from the local sponsor, YesPlay.

The Test pitch has a hessian cover on it, keeping it away from prying eyes, perhaps?

Temba is a little late for his press conference, but the wait for the captain is worth it. I can’t help thinking about how he has grown into the role and the legacy that he is building. The World Test Championship Final victory cemented his place in SA’s cricketing folklore, and he now has the opportunity to lead his team to a series victory against the nation that has so often been South Africa’s nemesis.

Being a cricket geek, I had to check where the innings win at St George’s Park fits in the incredible 104-Test history between these two teams. I discovered that South Africa have only beaten Australia by an innings four times, with Australia winning by an innings 16 times.

The interesting thing, though, is that since readmission, South Africa have had three innings wins and Australia four. The Gqeberha Test match is South Africa’s third-highest-ever win against Australia.

OK, so where am I going with this?

The facts show that the gap between South Africa and Australia has narrowed recently. In the history of Test matches between the two nations in South Africa, the Proteas have a 30% win record (17 from 56). In the 30 matches before 1970, it was 23%. Before the 1966/67 tour to South Africa, it was 0%.

Since 1994, that has increased to 38% (10 from 26), with the last 11 home Tests giving the Proteas a 55% win record (6 from 11).

With all this swirling around in my head, it’s time for Temba and Pat Cummins to have their chance in front of the cameras.

Temba tells us that the Karate Kid, Gerald Coetzee, will replace the injured Anrich Nortje as the only change to the South African line-up. The tearaway quick will no doubt be hoping that it will be a case for the Aussie batters of “walks on, walks off” when he is bowling. (Please note, this is the obligatory Dad Joke in this article.)

Pat is less forthcoming, but we do know that Cam Green will be playing. It seems like a toss-up as to whether Nathan Lyon will play, as Scott Boland seems certain to keep his place.

I was not at Newlands when Australia last toured here in 2018, for what became a match which will live in cricket infamy (with apologies to FDR). The pre-Test pressers I have attended did not prepare me for the hubbub around the Australian captain.

Plenty more cameras, with a boom microphone hovering above the media, gave me the feeling that we were in a reality TV show.

The show Come Dine with Me springs to mind. All the guests are here, they have told us about their expectations and are eagerly awaiting the meal.

The table is set, groundsman Braam Mong has his menu prepared, and tomorrow the 24 invited guests will be enjoying the main meal on the beautifully manicured green cloth that is Newlands.

What a feast awaits!

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